If you’ve ever had the experience of tucking into one too many cheat meals after a break in your exercise routine you will know what I’m about to be talking about.
Lessons from around the world
I was born and raised in the UK, but I have emigrated to New Zealand, and lived and worked in both South Africa and Mexico as well. Living and working in a new country is quite different to spending two weeks there on a holiday. You end up in more embarrassing situations where you realise knowing only 2 words of the local language and pointing at things won’t necessarily get you what you want. You have to solve the types of problems ordinary people have to solve like shopping and commuting, and you end up hanging out with people in regular situations like at the supermarket or bumping into them on the street - and not a bunch of other tourists in a hot tub on the roof of a hotel.
I’ve noticed a stark difference between European culture and that of the rest of the world, and my theory is that you get a different balance of these things based on the percentage of Europeans that colonised. For example in New Zealand it’s around 10%-15% Maori (the indigenous people prior to European settlement), whereas in South Africa it is the other way around: about 10% European immigrants. Mexico I’m not sure of the exact ratio, but culturally at least it seemed more evenly balanced between the European culture and the local one.
I think the primary difference between these cultures is their basic attitude towards time.
The ant and the grasshopper
Enjoying that big bowl of ice cream when you’re supposed to be getting lean in the gym is all about living in the moment, and enjoying the here and now. To hell with the future. Your future self of course will hate you for it, and you will have to endure the sting of regret and shame when you do eventually decide you want to be under 12% body fat again. But right now they have sprinkles and chocolate sauce, so who cares about being lean anyway?
That ability to suffer though, to stoically refuse the cake you’re being offered at your friend’s 40th birthday party, to nobly sacrifice the simple pleasures in life, knowingly watching on as those less disciplined than yourself succumb to bodily temptation and scoff down a second helping of trifle. This, this is all about your future self. You will reap the rewards later down the line when you can look at yourself in the mirror with pride and the satisfaction of a job well done.
In Africa I saw some of the most joyful and warm-hearted individuals I’ve ever met. People that, when you get talking to them, are in really difficult life situations. The levels of poverty and struggle there are much higher than in other developed countries, but they are still very joyful people. Even simple things like buying a coffee would lift my spirits, not from the caffeine, but from the interaction with the barista - who was genuinely pleased to see me and very happy to take my order.
To enjoy the present moment, you basically have to be in agreement with it. You have to accept, as an individual, that things are OK. That it doesn’t matter if certain things are not done. You are not striving to change anything, to improve your lot, you are relaxed. You’ve got time to crack open another beer and watch the rest of the Grand Prix.
Contrasting Africa with the somewhat resentful customer service you are liable to receive in the UK, from people who want for nothing, and you start to see the difference in attitude. In Europe there is much more ambition, things should be better. What we have is not enough, and it’s not good enough. There is a pressure to advance, and a dissatisfaction with the way things are. This ambition manifests itself as a disagreement with the present. I’m not OK with things how they are, I want them to be different, and I’m going to get off my butt and make that happen. Who has time to watch a 5-day test match anyway - the garage needs to be tidied, and this time I’m going to keep it tidy!!!
So this trade-off between acceptance and happiness of the present, and joy, vs stress and ambition for the future coupled with a dissatisfaction of the present, is one of the main differences I see between European culture and other cultures around the world. This has a trade-off however, and I don’ think it’s a coincidence that almost everything is done to a higher standard in Europe than everywhere else. If you’ve ever been to Switzerland you will know what I’m talking about. It’s almost pristine.
One of the things that really struck me when I moved to New Zealand, is (comparatively) how shabby things looked there compared to the South East of England. You go through town centres with aging signage, paint flaking off, unkempt gardens. Things that would have your average middle-class British person in an affluent neighbourhood writing a strongly worded letter of complaint to the local council, are accepted as commonplace here. So that relaxed attitude towards time manifests positively in how people experience day to day life, and how they interact, comes with a price in the material possessions are simply not kept to the same standard.
What's your point Richard?
As a business owner myself, and someone who has ambitions to make my life and the world a better place, I don’t want that to come with a price of unhappiness and dis-satisfaction with life in general.
I think the more capable people in life are able to switch between these modes much more quickly and are more flexible in this sense. I’ve noticed in myself that I can be a bit “momentum-based”. In the sense that if I have some deadlines to work towards, I get can very motivated and really push to get things done, but that I struggle to unwind at the end of the day and switch off. As I’ve gotten older I know that it will take me a certain number of hours to unwind, and I have to basically force myself to take time off in order to do so.
This of course eats into my productivity, and essentially puts a hard-cap on what I can achieve in a given week. If I push too hard, I'm liable to stress my nervous system with too much adrenaline and cortisol, weakening my immune system and ending up with a headache and a cold and having to take a day or two off anyway. Had I just taken some time off earlier I could have actually enjoyed my time off rather than being forced to lie in bed feeling sorry for myself.
As I've gotten older I've become much more aware of when I'm pushing too hard, and I now know that no matter what I do, if I go over that line my body will go on protest and force me to take a break anyway. So if I feel like I need the time off now I just take it and live with whatever the consequences are. It's out of my hands at that point anyway.
However, I'm still thinking there are two possible ways to squeeze a bit more juice out the lemon we call life:
Option A
As I said, I do believe that if I was able to switch off more easily after work, then I could essentially "recover" in a shorter space of time, and by the next day feel refreshed and ready to rock again.
I do believe that the human body is designed to go through stress periods, and that it's not only natural but beneficial. We have two main halves of the nervous system, the sympathetic and para-sympathetic. The sympathetic is the fight-or-flight response - i.e. stress response, and the other is the rest-and-repair or the feed-and-breed half.
Why would we have both halves if they weren't meant to be used? However, I feel like they are designed to be all-or-nothing, either we are fighting for our life against a giant bear attack, or we are relaxing by the river grilling a salmon. I don't think biology left much in between.
In our modern world, it's much more common to just have an underlying anxiety about our life situation that rolls on week after week, neither getting into a situation too dangerous (and properly engaging the stress response), but also not really getting any proper time off (thinking about work even while trying to relax and watch a movie).
I think this is partly what motivates people to drink or do drugs, is to just give themselves a break, mentally, from the slow crushing pressure of life's responsibilities. This has it's own risks and I do not recommend it.
Exercise helps I think as it does stress the body and gives your nervous system a proper workout, allowing you to actually unwind afterwards, that I certainly do recommend!
So I have found that if I can do proper focused hard-work, plus exercise, then take a proper break and really unwind, I'm able to switch between these two extremes and more naturally align with what my body is designed to do.
My theory is the better I get at doing that, the more I can accomplish while remaining healthy and having time to relax and enjoy life at the same time.
Option B
My other theory in regards to this, is to actually be able to work and be productive whilst still in a relaxed frame of mind. I.e. to be striving to get things done without actually stressing the nervous system.
I'm not yet sure exactly how possible this is, but it's something I'm looking into and seeing how it goes. This might be impossible due to the nature of work and how you go about it. But it's also possible that with the right viewpoint and attitude, I'll be able to take a more relaxed approach to work overall and therefore get more done without needing as long to unwind afterwards.
As my father always used to say:
Take your work seriously, but don't be serious about your work
Wise words but easier said than done!
Summary
So there you have it, my current strategy for achieving a work-life balance is:
- Have periods of compression and de-compression. Ensuring you properly relax and reset fully before taking another run at your goals.
- Getting better at switching between those modes, so that your de-compression time can be more efficient. Recover faster essentially.
- A more playful attitude towards work means you should be able to produce more without getting into as much "debt", therefore needing less recovery time to properly reset.